Batterson – #FridayFlash fiction

Former Drill Sargent Haines boots him out for dropping F-bombs…. Freshman returns following morning. Haines halts him at the threshold.

“Change your attitude?”

“Fuck off!” Kid pulls a blade.

Haines decks him and the knife disappears.

Haines’s cuffed; marched outside….

Cop asks, “Where’s your car?”

“Over there.”

“Get in and don’t come back to Batterson.”

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Care to hear me read these 55 words?



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If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55 Fiction piece (in 55 words), then please come tell G-Man.

26 Responses to “Batterson – #FridayFlash fiction”

  1. Great scene you’ve created there.

  2. a little assault at batterson….hehe…nice scene adam, nice g man reference///

  3. moondustwriter Says:

    Those drill Sgts know their stuff – I’ve worked with a few
    Nice 55

  4. quite the visual! good stuff!

  5. Yeah, that sounds about right.

  6. Now thats the way they USED to do it!!
    Drill Sgt. Haines? Hmmmmm
    Excellent 55 Dustus.
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

  7. I would never mess with Drill Sgt. Haines, Batterson or bloggerton. Tongue in cheek day, today.

  8. Where did the knife disappear to? You’d think they wouldn’t mind busting a kid. Guess it’s one of those scapegoat schools…

    Minor typo in Para5 – “Haines” becomes “Haine” in the possessive

  9. Appreciate your visit. I’m going to tweak that. Thank you.

  10. Excellent scene…good dialogue…always amazed what can happen in 55 ~

  11. oooh! That was a killing 55… errr chilling one I mean!
    Fantastic visuals..

    Friday hugs xox

  12. Hey that was really great. And in so few a lines too.

  13. Haines……such a Barney Bad Ass

    Freshman is a bad boy

    I don’t know which character I am attracted to more!

    that is all

  14. Well crafted dialogue to convey the whole story…very well done in my opinion.

  15. That’s Batterson giving him the boot!

    I’m in awe of a soldier’s disciplined mind. Freshman never woulda made it.

  16. I think I like Freshman! Neat 55!

  17. Lulda Casadaga Says:

    Sometimes a punch is all someone needs! :D

  18. Hi Adam, love this snippet, and would love to hear more. Where did he go? What did he do? Nice to have a chance to read your work. Been busy with the crazy 30 in 30 and my work schedule.

    Pamela

  19. Effective scene that hints at considerably more. =)

  20. What a realistic 55–sad but true to life. Mine is here. http://razzamadazzle.wordpress.com/2011/04/28/horse/

  21. YOu say so much in your 55. NIce job Dustus :)

  22. Great scene….can see it.

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