Our Dreams Can Be (Villanelle 4 @Onestoppoetry)

Once we have learned our lonely dreams can be
Oh God not knowing where or how to start
When all I ever want is you and me

Blank canvas drips like a soaked willow tree
Save in found comfort assembling shared parts
Once we have learned our lonely dreams can be

Until feeling lost can’t tell you are free
No flow chart off course for a bleeding heart
When all I ever want is you and me

Rudderless ships carry skeleton keys
Her lip-curled smile trumps my so-called art
Once we have learned our lonely dreams can be

Our last taken breaths, which death guarantees
Molecules boil over, anger departs
When all I ever want is you and me

Vision focused now, our present to see
For love a sincere gift, fair will imparts
Once we have learned our lonely dreams can be
When all I ever want is you and me

________________
Care for a reading?

29 Responses to “Our Dreams Can Be (Villanelle 4 @Onestoppoetry)”

  1. I’m out of coffee and my dreams were restless… Amidst my mumbling fingers stumbling out my own clumsy heart, I hear a ping that tells me that I have mail. I pause, I open, and it tells me that you’ve written. Relieved to have an excuse to exit my own mind, I click and read. It brings a wry smile to my face, because I see literary reflection here.

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Adam Dustus. Adam Dustus said: Our Dreams Can Be (Villanelle 4 @Onestoppoetry): http://wp.me/pnd9L-22l […]

  3. love yours….i hope i get time today to have a try…all the best pete

  4. A very fine romantic poem…thanks for the audio with the poem.

  5. Funny, I think we both left comments on each others’ work at the same time, Charles. lol Was just listening to yours, always enjoy that🙂

  6. Did you have a hard time putting the (b) lines together? The ‘art’ rhyme seemed a bit limited. Was just curious.

    Beautifully done as always.

  7. I’m never writing one again! Had such a hard time- this seems effortless. Rhythm and flow syncopate perfectly, and the subject nature is a heart catcher. Great stuff Adam

  8. Oh come on! lol You WILL try again, Shan, b/c you are not the type to give up. Right? Right! Among other things, such forms make one appreciate writing projects that have no pressing time limit or rules. Cheers, my friend🙂

  9. yes – your reading has the beat..!!
    very cool adam

    • You did such an absolutely wonderful job with your post today! Never thought ‘d see so many people excited over villanelles. You rock, Claudia!

      • thanks adam – i was surprised myself – didn’t think that many people would give it a try – and lots of them for the first time – really cool.
        i came back because i thought i’ll forward your villanelle to luke for next monday – he may use it for a detailed comment on the post. but of course we would show you before posting and get your ok. is that good? have forwarded Pete’s as well – thought it’s good to have the ones, written by the one stop team members for a closer look.

      • Regarding comment below…

        I trust Sensei Pater and would appreciate the detailed commentary. It will only help for when I attempt the next one. Thanks to you both.

  10. whoooaa! asdfghjkl. I absolutely adore this.. wow…

  11. I don’t know how you do it Adam (AND a reading on top of all that!). I don’t know how long this took you make it seem pretty effortless. I know we are supposed to challenge ourselves (as people and writers) but man, this was a lot more difficult than I was expecting. Good times…I guess!

  12. Happy to hear you tried, Scott. As artists, we must continue to step out of our comfort zones. Thanks for your feedback.

  13. Yes th b lines. Very nice.

  14. Wowzers! How wondefully romantic and worthy of a backrub for starters🙂

  15. A poem for a backrub is definitely a fair trade. lol Cheers, Rene🙂

  16. Wow. This is amazing, as is all your work. You make it look so easy… I’m not sure I’d even know where to begin. Excellent!🙂

  17. betweenhearts75 Says:

    Very beautiful…love the willow tree actually just wrote a micropoetry to twitter regarding one.
    Amazing flow, you did a wonderful job with this challenge Adam.
    I would have been here to view sooner, however, emotional mode flight!😉
    I’ll avoid the uh “nickname” haha!😀 …okay nowww I see a likeness lol… j/k maybe…😉 April

  18. Wow! That was very well written and beautiful. 🙂

  19. There are some lovely lines in this Adam. I wasn’t sure if you were aiming for perfect iambic pentameter, if so I think the meter is a tad off in a couple of places but nothing that a little tweak here and there wouldn’t sort out. Luke’s your man for that. Really like ‘assembling shared parts’ something very ‘healing’ about that phrase.

  20. Glad you mention that. I’m never sure of stresses in lines due to the whole spoken/written dialect differences. So I am happy to say that Sensei Pater will be analyzing mine on Monday, along with a few others posts, so definitely check it out, Carys🙂

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