Once We Have Learned (Villanelle)

Once we have learned how lonely dreams can be
Oh God! not knowing where, or how to start
when all I ever want is you and me  

Blank canvas drips; a soaking willow tree
except in comfort gathering shared parts
once we have learned how lonely dreams can be

Until you’re feeling lost, can’t tell you’re free
no flowchart off-course for a bleeding heart
when all I ever want is you and me

Rudderless ships carry skeleton keys
her lip-curled smile trumps my so-called art
once we have learned how lonely dreams can be  

Our last taken breath, death guarantees
molecules boil over, anger departs
when all I ever want is you and me

Vision focused now, our present to see
for love’s sincere gift, fair will imparts
once we have learned how lonely dreams can be
when all I ever want is you and me

_________________________________________________________
*The above poem is the revised version of the villanelle written last Monday for One Stop Poetry‘s feature on poetic form. Luke Prater edited the last version, offering a helpful critique. Many thanks to Sensei Luke!

 

20 Responses to “Once We Have Learned (Villanelle)”

  1. I am a big fan. Hats off.🙂

  2. I like the concept and flow, and find it rather inspirational as well. Thank you for all your support. Cheers,
    Dave

  3. Always enjoy visiting your site, David. Thanks for sharing your work with everyone at One Stop. Cheers!

  4. I know just how hard it is to get these damn villain things right! Sorry shouldn’t say that here lol…Adam I adored it the first time around the abridged and amended version is great. Luke’s a great sensei, right? x

  5. I also enjoyed the rewrite of the poem as well I did the first version.

  6. nice dustus…i really like this…esp those last two lines…and the line on skeleton keys…

  7. Thanks for the mention, Adam. Your piece is really good, do love your ‘rudderless ships’ metaphor

  8. Wonderfully done… I liked the first version, but seeing the revised also helps with the learning process, I think.

    Thanks again for your great poetry.

  9. yes – i love it – it reads very good now and i just love the line “once we have learned how lonely dreams can be” so much truth in this adam and such a lot of heartfelt emotion

  10. I also like version one, but this one is solid and reads a bit smoother. The meter is always my downfall, too. You’ve managed to keep the lost and wistful feel, and used some really speaking phrases; even the rewrite of the refrain line, which changes the meaning somewhat, works very well here. Great job, adam.

  11. i Love this. Brilliant! I hope you don’t mind that i re-blogged it.

  12. Point, set, Match.

  13. […] . this is an amazing poem by Adam Dustus @Dustus at “THE DUSTUS BLOG” ~ only the beginning of the poem is shown here ~ please click on the “read more” link to be taken to Adam’s blog. this poem is written as a villanelle written for One Stop Poetry’s Monday feature on poetic form.  . .Once We Have Learned by Adam Dustus Once we have learned how lonely dreams can be Oh God! not knowing where, or how to start when all I ever want is you and me   Blank canvas drips; a soaking willow tree except in comfort gathering shared parts once we have learned how lonely dreams can be Until you’re feeling lost, can’t tell you’re free no flowchart off-course for a bleeding heart when all I ever want is you and me Rudderless ships carry skeleton keys her lip-curled smile tr … Read More […]

  14. Bravo! Absolutely stunning! !’ve enjoed doing villianelles, but have yet to complete a sestina, maybe soon!

  15. Very nice. This is a very difficult form.

  16. dustus, yours was the first poem i read using my photo, and both yours and the second one (all i’ve read so far) amaze me, not just as poems (and both are excellent, to my ear) but for how they seem to reflect things left out of the interview but very much in my mind when i chose my photos.

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