Together Time


My love craves sweet together time
For life affirms emotions bared

As if stars shine like Coldplay lines
My love craves sweet together time
On beachfront sand we lay supine
One soul suspends like salt in air
My love craves sweet together time
For life affirms emotions bared

__________________________________
Would you like to hear me read this Triolet?
A, B, a, A, a, b, A, B (iambic)

*Special thanks to my OSP teammate Claudia. If you have not yet, check out her blog Splittergewitter

80 Responses to “Together Time”

  1. Wonderful triolet, and loved the reading! Shan helped me with my own, (awesome help!) This is beautiful, and you have captured such a simple longing, One soul suspends like salt in air…loved this particular line.

    • Hey Tasha. Thanks for being the brave 1st comment. Glad you liked my Troilet. good to hear Shan’s OSP post was helpful🙂

  2. Love the upbeat tone of the poem and your reading of it.

  3. Charles, I have the worst cold today. Took me forever to read this without sniffling. lol

  4. Very nice Reading Dustus…love that last line….emotions bared…Yes! thanks …bkm

  5. mmm…time on the beach with the one i love…sounds about right to be…smiles. lovely triolet adam! see you tonight!

  6. Very nice – I thank many of us are longing for beach time. And I don’t even need romance to enjoy it – so tired of brown… (at least we have no snow) This is a fun form… I never would have tried it if it hadn’t been for One Stop Poetry.

  7. smiles..lovely, romantic triolet adam…i like the coldplay lines..

  8. Lovely triolet all about romance – mine is about the French court. It’s on Beachanny’s Texas. I probably should have put it up for today’s osw but I didn’t. Yet again I try something different. LOL. Liked the reference to Coldplay here. It has a very musical feel. Thanks, Gay

  9. Triolet is predominantly romantic and I’m so damn proud of you for trying it out {hugs}}! Iambs are lovely, great use of modern in there as well, and boy…we definitely pronounce supine differently🙂 Excellent job Adam, a really enjoyable and pleasing read.

  10. Beautiful triolet, very meaningful and touching to read! I love it!

  11. Excellently done, and so true.

  12. Lovely, and so romantic. “One soul suspends like salt in air…” Sigh.

  13. moondustwriter Says:

    Nice Triolet!!!

    beautifully set as well

    moonie smiles – sorry you are sick

  14. bravo Adam! great troilet my man

  15. Hey you are sick?
    And hosting? Brave man…and better poet!
    Loved this troilet! And listening to you is … hummm, makes a difference.
    ah and that ‘sweet’ word, sweet together time… sweet indeed.

    hugs

  16. Just Poetry Says:

    Great triolet and great reading! I love that ~ sweet together time ~ Thanks Adam

  17. Great triolet, romantic but not soppy, very suited to the form..I’m intrigued by the one soul that suspends in air…and where is the other? The twist perhaps before the ending couplet. I also liked the way the ocean is present; even though it’s just barely mentioned as a backdrop, the rhythm of the lines is wavelike and lulling. Very nice package all around, as always, adam.

  18. Lyrical and romantic🙂

  19. bloody hell adam…where did that one spring from….damn fine poetry here my friend… seriously good…pete

  20. Adam, fantastic example of a Triolet. I personally liked the Coldplay touch. I’m a sucker for romantic poems so of course I really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing!

  21. Relatable, romantic, sweet in the truest /most relatable sense of the word.

  22. one soul suspends like salt in air; such beautiful imagery here; mystical and spiritual; and so lovely.

  23. So, much truth in that last line, Adam.
    Nice one shot!

  24. Pardon me Adam…
    But I do believe that your Heart is right there on your sleeve!!
    Great Poem

  25. So very very nice Adam….you made me smile🙂

  26. well done B…I like to hear the male perspective in romantic pieces

    Peace. hp

  27. So romantic! Loved this!

  28. “Life affirms emotions bared…” it’s great when this line plays out true in real life, isn’t it? Sweet piece🙂

  29. Impressive, i struggle so much with these strict forms.
    I guess free flow appeals to me for that reason.
    I have respect for anyone who can do it and you did a great job with this one

  30. I would have to agree with @Artswebshow…you do this so well…love the reading.

  31. Sweet. Didn’t even know what a triolet was (then I googled it.) Suddenly I feel inspired to write one. Stay tuned!

  32. impressive as usual. Your poems really make me think and reflect. Thinking about your poetry makes me realize how sometimes we see ourselves in a poem like a mirror. How do poets paint mirrors that hundreds/thousands… see some version of themselves in?

  33. Thanks for the extra effort of forming it. The oft repeated lines are the base notes of this song.

  34. Ah! On beachfront sand…Wonderful! ♥ ஆεlεɳa ~.^

  35. Great write! Such good use of the form!

  36. Marvelous word execution.

  37. Ah yes love..true love always craves that together time and never once does feel fulfilled craving yet for more.

  38. Anita Wakeham Says:

    Beautiful piece and a smooth flow.

    Anita.

  39. My heart finds peace in this poem sublime…🙂
    LOVED this poem, AD…
    “One soul suspends like salt in air” — that line was like WOW!! Brilliant imagery translated to equally awesome words!

  40. “My love craves sweet together time
    On beachfront sand we lay supine….”

    Lovely poem, enhanced by being able to actually hear it spoken (what a great feature that is by the way)

  41. beautifully romantic, simple and clear…I really love this line Adam, “One soul suspends like salt in air.”

  42. Beautiful triolet Adam. You test poetry in its purest forms and that is an extremely difficult thing to do. Some day when (if)my patience grows into its body I will have to give it a whirl. I love the line “As if stars shine like Coldplay lines” and your reading always enhances your poetry. Great job my friend!

  43. Old Ollie Says:

    Like your modern twist on this form.

  44. ladynyo Says:

    Adam, I am not familiar at all with the form triolet…but your rhythm is wonderful here.

    I don’t mean to be ornery, but your reading of this so lyrical and romantic poem was a bit too harsh for my ears. It was too intense, where the words are so romantic and emotional. Perhaps it was the cold?

    Poetry readings are so damn hard. I don’t do well in my own. But this is the first time I have had some reason to criticize your generally wonderful readings.

    Lady Nyo…who doesn’t fault the words, your poem at all.

  45. Feedback noted and appreciated, Lady Nyo. Can’t blame a cold for a perceived inconsistency. Valid points. Indeed, perhaps too intense a reading for the nature of the form.

    • I’m trying to sort through things on this lovely poem, Adam.

      It’s a sweet poem, in nature… what also inspires me in this poem is the wonder. Perhaps that is the root of my criticism here.

      Pitching your voice lower, softer, and with a sense of wonder at what the poem speaks of….these lovely, powerful and evocative words!!

      In hearing tanka read in Japanese….I have learned something. Pitching the voice lower, varying the stresses (which, come to think of it, isn’t really done in Japanese) but stressing certain words, perhaps pausing for emphasis slightly on a particular word or line.

      Well, that would make it musical!

      Just some thoughts, Adam.

      Lady Nyo

      • Honored and flattered by your detailed thoughts and attention to my work. Very helpful. Thank you.

  46. You read that with a cold? Ha! Nicely done Adam. I can relate to the theme, too.

  47. Adam, I marvel at you !!
    You are a very gifted writer, this Triolet is perfection !!

  48. Fancy forms not withstanding, this is a nice piece, Adam!

  49. This is beautifully lyrical and very evocative. Fine job!

  50. That is beautiful. Very romantic.

  51. i love the way ‘together time’ sounds … this is well written, dustus. i hope you’ll join me for imperfect prose on thursdays sometime. thanks for stopping by my place! e.

  52. Longing for the beloved?
    Wonderful expression of love! Not at all dragging but tranquil..

    Hugs xx

  53. Adam, I so enjoy hearing the poem read. Such perfect meter. Thank you.

  54. Sweet, short, honest…long-staying with your voice. Haunting now with so much longing. Thanks, Adam!

  55. Gorgeous, romantic piece!

  56. great job dustus the soul reference i could see beautiful….your speaking voice is fine you should have a cold all the time…

  57. Almost beach time in SE Texas, but mostly fishing time begins. Love the troilet form, what a great rhythm and rhyme to celebrate together time!

  58. betweenhearts75 Says:

    Very beautiful Adam…especially love this line: “One soul suspends like salt air” meets with such romantic and merging placement.🙂 As always much enjoyment reading your work. ~April

  59. Beautiful poem, Adam. Like a fine-cut gem.

  60. Adam, you do romantic so well! Hearts a-flutter.

  61. Hi Adam.. great triolet… nice to hear it read too. I’m working my way to that lol. Like the Coldplay ref, great band. iambic tetra flawless too… love that word ‘supine’… all there, baby

    Cheers

    Luke

  62. nicely done, I love the form.

  63. Adam,
    I really love your readings — excellent!
    “One soul suspends like salt in air,” I love the stanzas of heavy “S,” the sound and timbre are sublime.
    Great One Shot! Thanks for hosting this week and for your kind comment at my site, too.
    ~xo

  64. Awwww, so sweet! Beautiful writing.

  65. Sexy, sensuous, lyrical.

  66. I like the form – and it suits your subject well. I also enjoy your readings.

  67. so much emotion and such sweet love in a restricted form! I loved it … more so because I am not very good at dealing in specific forms and I feel my writing gets a bit too contrived those times. regards.

  68. Dear Adam,

    ‘One soul suspends like salt in air’ is one of the most beautiful expressions I have come across …. liked your triolet so much. thanks for sharing…

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/whispers-memories-from-living.html
    Connect with me at Twitter @VerseEveryDay

  69. Bravo on keeping up a sweet-but-not-trite flavor of romance in this triolet. The Coldplay references gives it just the right hint of humor, too. Again, bravo on the whole.🙂

  70. Thanks a lot, Adam. Now I’m gonna have freakin’ Coldplay songs in my head all day. :-p

  71. I love your triolet! Glad you mentioned the form, as I knew it was a particular poetry form but wasn’t sure which! Also, thank you for your kind comments on my poem and for visiting my blog.

  72. fantastic triolet. very cool to hear you recite it. You have a wonderful reading voice…like those who read books on CDs, I’m serious!

  73. For life affirms emotions bared ~

    very nice work…was singing it the third time..

  74. This triolet is so sweet and romantic. I like the rhythm, rhymes and of course the modern twist🙂

    PS thank you for stopping by my site🙂

  75. One soul suspends like salt in air – love the alliteration in this line Adam, great triolet.

  76. Oooh..lurveeeeeee this one Adam🙂

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