Southern Discomfort [ #FlashFiction ]

Bovine-eyed and cringing by decibels, her daughter glances across the café at the exit sign. Mom’s diatribe goes south.

“Gawwd…  Don’t you remember Florida?  That waitress sits down at our table fer chrissakes! ‘How yeww folks doing? Y’all having a nice day?’ she asks. ‘May I take yerr order?’

“Yeah, lady… leave us alone!”

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31 Responses to “Southern Discomfort [ #FlashFiction ]”

  1. Oh…that was so witty…it made me laugh out loud as I read the last line. Cheers!

  2. Been there and heard that too loudly on occasion too.🙂

    Reminds me of the band who asked “Do you have any requests?” And we’re told “Yeah, you mind stopping?” Which you may or may not have heard before. 🙂

    xo

  3. Puh-Leeze!
    She shouldn’t have sat down then!
    But I must say this Dustus…
    You sound EXACTLY like “Kiss My Grits” Flo!!!
    Excellent 55 My Friend.
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

  4. I get a kick out of that type of waitress. Breaks the ice. Great 55.

  5. ha. i like mine social like that…just wait until next week…i am from the mountains you know…lol

  6. moondustwriter Says:

    Southern hospitality at it’s best.
    Great 55 from picture to the bovine eyed doll face

    Moonie

  7. You yankees are soooo stuck up! There’s no such thang as “in your personal space” down here, suh. Not that I’m that far down–thankfully. Mostly just college kids who are all about telling you their relationship issues between forgetting your drink. A warm southern fried 55, adam.

  8. Diatribe goes south. Love the literal/figurative thing you did here.

  9. lolz !!!
    Poor waitress !

  10. Fun to read accents crammed into so few words! LOL

  11. Ha now that was the most unusual 55 ever. Loved it.

  12. Hawdee Partner. Nice one!

  13. I lived in SC for 5 years, so I definitely relate to this one! I’d still take the Southerners “fixin’ tos” over the New Yorkers rudeness however!

  14. It’s a shame mama didn’t appreciate the nuances of true southern charm. No wonder her daughter was eying the exit! :o) Great, original 55!

    Okay…here’s a lesson from a southerner by choice, not by birth. Do not come here and say “The way we do it up north is….” You will not be on good graces. If a southerner asks you what church you belong to…be nice. They truly are curious and concerned about the state of your soul. After all, it is the Bible belt. Finally, if a true southern belle says to you “Why bless yo’ heart” that this neither a blessing nor a compliment but rather a syrupy word sword being directed smack dab in the middle of your back!

    • LOL Thanks for clearing all that up, Polly🙂 I lived in Knoxville for seven years (enjoyed it). I like NY too. People maintain biases wherever one goes.

  15. You had me at ‘bovine-eyed’. Perfectly rendered accent- I could pretty much hear this one play out.

  16. Kiss mah grits! LOL!

    Nicely told, Adam!

  17. Saw this mother/daughter duo at IHOP last week ; )

  18. fine humor, well played 55.

  19. Wonderfully done. A nice story to enjoy while I sip MY whiskey…

  20. What Hedgewitch said!

    Great 55!

  21. thanks for the smile this one brought

  22. hahahah… been there myself!! Only, not as mother/daughter..but as wife/hubby🙂
    “bovine-eyed” was tooo much too good!!😀

  23. thanks for the giggle, Adam. love it! ♥

  24. Great description of regional biases, Adam! Love the opening, and especially the voices, which truly bring the piece alive.

  25. I don’t hear the American accents well enough to get the best of this one. But very effective scene-setting

  26. Oh, my, here I am, a transplanted Southern belle from Georgia who loves catfish and hushpuppies and GRITS ( not with sugar and milk ). You are funny, though…and I hardly have an accent after 33 years in the San Francisco area.

  27. Wow, what a great ending. Witty.

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