Into the Meltdown


Maybe there’s a future somewhere
?
I crash into the meltdown pane

A dead bird—choked on hot laced air
Maybe there’s a future somewhere?

Disintegrating fallout cares
Reliving what was this insane
Maybe there’s a future somewhere?

I crash into the meltdown pane


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Would you like to hear me read this Triolet?

A, B, a, A, a, b, A, B  scheme

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One Shot Wednesday (Week 40)

Celebrate National Poetry Month! (US)
*hashtag your tweets w/ #PoetryMonth
@ One Stop Poetry
host: UK poet Pete Marshall

68 Responses to “Into the Meltdown”

  1. Corbie Sinclair Says:

    Adam,
    This was a great triolet. I enjoyed the flow. “Disintigrating fallout cares” this was my favorite part of the poem. A great look at what we are dealing with currently. Thank you for sharing.

  2. haunting reality…nice triolet…of course it makes a great metaphor as well…particularly of relationships…niceone shot man!

  3. Hauntingly resonant piece, an effect only emphasized when one listens to the audio of it. Has that echo effect in your mind – gives one the shivers. A most interesting triolet – meltdowns and fallout all. Must agree with Corbie of course, in that “Disintegrating fallout cares” is certainly the central moment of the piece, that line to which I find the greatest build, the power note, as it were. Downbeat, to be sure, but well stated.

  4. Reflects such sadness of the situation in Japan…so many stories to be told about the events in the years to come…fine piece.

  5. Wow Dustus..yes maybe..no harm in being positive. It works.

  6. Modern take on the triolet, certainly not a light hearted upbeat dance in this one. Echoes of Japan and something altogether more human. Touching Adam, made even more so by the reading. Thanks for sharing.

  7. you have taken triolet and thrown it head first into the 21st century..very deep and very low….but excellently written…pete

  8. Gah! I think I felt my neck snap. I like all your writing adam, but especially when you write these short ultra-condensed images. Prefect use of the triolet, which repeats and uses the stiletto twist, like all the bad news which reflects itself, seems to reach an apogee but then only gets worse.

  9. Sorry… I didn’t get it. Maybe I’m in the middle of a meltdown…

  10. The world news is a bit overwhelming. This captures it well.

  11. echoes of your voice went perfectly with the poem.. very chilling Adam!

  12. When you’re not with nature, you’re against it. None of us are ready, the dance is more a centrifuge, and there’s a drain below. Hard, biting, true and yet still musical.

  13. A short sharp piece that really delivers Adam. Nice one shot.

  14. Wow, very nice. Hopefully, there is a future somewhere. I always read yours more than once to take it all in. Also, love the new blog look.🙂

  15. Unique way of reminding us of Japan. There is a future…….somewhere.

  16. heavy, heavy fallout…

  17. you have made us all aware of our fragile existence on this planet….hopefully we learn to fly free from this crashing…bkm

  18. quite effective! Especially when you read it, Dustus. Nice form!
    enjoyed it
    thank you

  19. Powerful words Adam. In the chaos that seems to circle everyones lives in some way, I feel this is a moving and heartfelt piece. Very nice poem indeed.

    All the best to you.

  20. Enjoying this one shot today…hoping for future one shots! Nice.

  21. Hopefull and honest…I enjoyed this slice…cheers.

  22. My poetry lesson for the day. I like it.

  23. nightmares tonight. excellent triolet though. ♥

  24. Great One Shot entry.

  25. Adam, I love the triolet and I love your honesty.

    Pamela

  26. the question does echo…and it might take a crash to find out. The reality is just across the pacific…it was 65years ago and again in this present future.

  27. Powerful…. Great reminder …there is a future someday…somewhere

  28. Not only did I enjoy reading the poem, but when I listened to it it seemed as though you deliberately added some echo, I can hear distance and almost isolation. Did you add any reverb or effect specifically or is this how your audio normally is?

  29. A well written triolet on a very important subject.

  30. A great question posed poetically. “Maybe there’s a future somewhere?” I know I will ponder it. I wrote a poem asking a similar question. Sounds like we are on the same wave length. A wonderful write.

  31. Let’s hope the future is a great one for us all.

  32. It packs a punch – a powerful punch. Good one, Adam,

  33. wow…short and powerful.i read this and felt truly powerless for the people of japan…super write.

  34. You’ve packed a lot of power in your triolet, Adam. I’m sure this is a question on the minds of many right now. How dreadful it must be to have your present yanked out from under you.

  35. Loved the line, I crash into the meltdown pane, well done, poignant.

  36. libraryscene Says:

    wonderful, powerful piece of social commentary… listening to it, especially how you tweaked it as if coming via a intercom box from the future, really brought the message home..

  37. Your short piece is as sharp as the pain caused by the shards of glass, the fallout, after the bird crashes; a metaphor for so many recent crashes . The question about the future is the only one on our minds these days. Excellent.

  38. Realistic, current, and classic all at once. Wow!

  39. perfectly done !! loved it🙂

  40. Powerful verse!

    And thanks for stopping by and participating in my latest Limerick-Off! I enjoyed your poem and hope you’ll join us regularly. I post a new Limerick-Off every Sunday or Monday.🙂

  41. Guess we are nearing our end!

    Jokes n all such theories apart, the count of quakes and all other devastations are only pointing out in that direction..

    Well, so sorry that we ourselves brought upon us this fate!
    Very well written Dustus!

    Thank you for that kind comment at my site- made my day!
    Hugs xx

  42. Meltdown is never comfortable!

  43. Anita Wakeham Says:

    Nicely done, meltdowns happen, finding the strength to overcome is a must.

    Yes Adam “Just For You” Lol.😉

    Anita.

  44. I am a triolet fan, which means I’m biased – but this is quite a good one, especially since the subject you chose is not an easy one to fit in the usually light mood of a triolet. I also like the subtle twist, in how you take the bird – almost overused in lyrical poetry – and turned it into a more ominous symbol.

  45. This really illustrates a bird flying blindly into a window pane;-

    “A dead bird—choked on hot laced air
    Maybe there’s a future somewhere?

    It says a lot about life and death. The glass could be the entrance to another world or an invisable barrier we can’t get through.
    Interesting – and very well done!

  46. Right on man with the topic and message. I have been writing recently on Nuclear Power… brought to our consciousness again with the Japan crisis. Neat little triolet.. can seem a little obsessive this form, huh? But powerful when you have a message I find. The repetition really underscores the point.

    Small thing, but ‘maybe’ is trochaic, not iambic (‘MAY be’, rather than ‘may BE’). You could go with ‘perhaps’ (per HAPS)… but using ‘maybe’ is making you want to put that whole line trochaic, ie –

    MAY be | THERE’S a | FU ture | SOME where (or some WHERE)

    per HAPS | a FU | ture IS | some WHERE – something along those lines would be iambic and have the same meaning, no?

    Apologies for meddling, thought you might appreciate that as you are going for iambs all through. Whatever, great piece.

    Warm regards

    Luke

    • No meddling at all, Luke. That’s why I put my work out there. However, I will leave the line the way it is and not make the claim that it’s iambic. Appreciate your attention to detail. cheers

  47. There is no future, nor is there a past – there is only here and now. (So it’s all good, Adam! LOL!)

  48. I live in present. That works for me.

    Long time since I wrote a triolet. I gotta one write again…

  49. randallweiss Says:

    A well-structured triolet with haunting imagery.

  50. Backfist. Sidekick. Left hook.

    Knockout.

    This triolet carries the day.

  51. Powerful. Scary. And for me, very personal.

  52. Very powerful, Adam, especially when spoken. I like to see you take on a tough subject in your triolet. It has made the form more masculine, and all your own.

  53. You pose an interesting question…and you don’t seem hopeful about the answer. However, that does not detract from how you expressed it. Pretty effective, if you ask me. Vb

  54. A very relevant and topical write of great power and perception.

  55. Nice One! Cool gadget too. Much said in few words. JH

  56. Chilling even as a triolet–the poetic form I often compare to a ‘pas de trois’, playful in challenging threes! I love how you worked the message in, direct almost bare yet if at all, a proper usge, sublime. Thanks, Adam!

  57. *shivers* I’m left speechless. thank you for sharing your work.

  58. Everybody — follow the bouncing ball…Sing!

    Give me that old time radiation.
    Give me that old time radiation.
    Give me that old time radiation.
    It’s good enough for me.

  59. I loved the image that started this presentation, and the form is perfect, but the killing blow was the reading. You almost make this too easy🙂 and I am enjoying my visits more and more. Thanks🙂

  60. I like that ‘i crash into the meltdown pane’ line.
    It’s got some action within it, if that makes any sense at all.

  61. This flow of this was absolutely perfect like the words were created just for this poem.

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