Wow, I got sucked into this one. Absolutely loved the half-internal rhyme in the third line (shone/tone and alights/night), would’ve loved to see that carry through the form. It has a slight villanelle-esque feel to it, with the rhymes being very similar and the repetition of two refrains. But for me, the real triumph is the soaring imagery and euphoric tone, captured by the metaphor “two gulls swoon high”. You may be swooning for your singer, but I’m swooning for this poem. Great job Adam.
Adam, I know you’ve probably tired of my comments, but once again I’ll have to gush…Your command of language, in it’s simplist forms, is amazing, but you have a style all your own when you begin to weave them into your work. I’ve little doubt I could pick your poem out of a thousand, and to me, that is the ultimate definition of true talent. Another wonderful and much enjoyed write ~Happy Oneshot Eve 🙂
Hey this is great! So thats what a Rondel is! I must say it’s new to me, but a very effective way of writing poetry. I always learn something new here Adam 😀 Favorite lines (and so many beautiful ones in here) are
“Seashell echo; two gulls swoon high….
I can almost hear the seagulls in this descriptive line! I also like;-
“Flesh shone in tone; alights night skies….
which has such a poetic sound to it. Great as always Adam!
Second read, I’ve realised it is a rondel. I do apologise, ignore my earlier comments regarding form! That established, it leaves nothing but the content. Which is, as I said first time around, swoonful!
This is so well crafted! I love the ocean metaphors (she sounds like a siren) and the “ebb and flow” of emotions. The complexities of a lovers’ relationship expressed so vivdly. I also think you have one of the best reading voices – you should read for audio-book companies 🙂
what a lovely rondel adam – this resonates with me…because she’ll sings when i come near – absolutely powerful refrain – love the poem and love listening to you reading it…just listen for the second time while writing the comment…
First off, thank you for hosting and providing insightful form lessons these last few weeks. While I don’t always post, I practice after every session. Also, cheers to Claudia, bkm (barbara), and Sam (semaphore) for their excellent explanations and critique during the two-part rondel workshop—extremely helpful, as well as inspiring. I frequent the form archive often:
“because she’ll sing when i come near”…if you continue writing poetry such as this, which has a singing voice with an endless range, and a melody that blends with the rhythm of the ocean, i can see why she’s singing whenever you’re near…your words so carefully chosen, each one given deep thought, adds visual excitement to your poem…your sincerity shines…
Ended leaving such a longing…perfect! I love Rondel, this is on the top of my high point lists. To single out one line would leave me feeling like a did not honor them all, in their sum is love. ~ Rose
By the way…thanks for taking a listen to my first spoken word piece today. I thought of you in particular when I decided to put it up today, as I always enjoy listening to your spoken word, and I hoped you would like it 😉
what a wonderful line..”Because she’ll sing when I come near” for a rondel… the intriguing line for me, however, is “I’ll give far more than wading cares” such a quiet strength in that line… beautiful write ~
I felt an ultimate poetic beauty in this poem, Adam… the romanticism is beautifully portrayed… and the repetitions totally enhance the awesomeness here!! I found myself humming this poem really… yea.. it actually felt like a song… lovely!!
Hmmm so lucky to have one sing when you go near..I for one am a sucker for music..songs. Cant resist a sweet song sung with intent even if the voice is slightly off key..tis the love and music combo I guess.
“Because she’ll sing when I come near” seems so simple yet resonates. I suppose that’s the beauty of a Rondel – to create a striking refrain and focus your lyrics around it. You’ve inspired me to try it again, Adam.
I love the idea of my 21 year marriage being a love song…i just wonder if he would like me singing when he walks in the room (the kids can carry a tune thanks to their father, not their mother). I really do like a rondel and need to visit it again. The only part I don’t quite get is the absorbing tears. The poem echoes with strong love and commitment and a desire to be together… Why the tears? …because every relationship has them at some point?
I did a double take when I first started reading this Adam as it had the melodic quality of a beautifully written villanelle and then I relaised it was a rondel. It has such a tranquil feel to it, absolutely love this line.
This is lovely Adam and so very well written. How are you doing my friend? I am staying very busy, and am now getting ready to take my grandkids on a train ride to North Carolina wehere we will be visiting my sister on her farm for 2 weeks. You take care of yourself Adam, and keep up the excellent write that you do with your wonderful talent. Love and Hugs Viola
I’m so impressed that you can put such lovely emotion into a proscribed form and have such a natural flow to it. As I was reading, I was thinking that the poem was in a form, but I couldn’t t remember what it was called, let alone imagine ever doing it myself, and with such beautiful results.