A Life That Works
I’d like to share a happy song
Figure out what does go wrong
Itching scalp from burning sun
Seldom let myself have fun…
Want it real?
Sushi raw?
Lacerations from a jaded saw?
I’d like to tell you how I feel
Man up from clown
Stand ground, appeal
Layers of an onion shed
Nightmare turns away pretend
The ceiling shows time’s twisted flow
Adjusting eyes tune street lamp glow
These walls are bare
As will, heartbeats
Jugular, nose
Breathe, repose
This is what a writer chose
As muffled echos ocean close
Interstate drone
Time alone
Everything I wrote and own
Spells drip catching studio skylight—
Wings melt into a candle vigil and
A life that works
Perceived self-worth
To walk this earth
Past pain, main, rebirth
Limbs coated with sweat
My pride, hair, and dirt
__________________________________________________________
Care for a reading of A Life That Works?
One Shot Wednesday (Week 49)
@ One Stop Poetry
Host: this week the honor goes to
poet & friend, Mr. Brian Miller
Dustus Blog 
June 7, 2011 at 2:55 pm
listened to this whilst packing away my own baggage. A writers worth, now that’s something you could muse upon until the cows came home Adam. Felt this one tonight my friend, another raw nerve exposed by your excellent words
June 7, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Thanks Shan. I don’t know about the cows, but I am home 🙂
June 7, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Adam…this is amazing! (broken record, I know!) Love how easily and almost angrily this was read. My version is frantic and fierce, with absolutely perfect time and rhythm. I can’t say I took it as a happy song…but I am so very glad I stopped by to have a listen. Now that’s I’ve put my two cents in, I’m going to have a listen 🙂
June 7, 2011 at 3:40 pm
You’re awesome, Tasha 🙂
June 7, 2011 at 3:37 pm
enjoyed the read and the flow in this adam…bare walls indeed…and i love raw sushi as i love raw life and raw words…and this they were..
June 7, 2011 at 3:57 pm
you certainly manned up with this …thanks for sharing
June 7, 2011 at 4:17 pm
soon enough your walls wont be bare man…just think it gives you plenty of material for these happy songs….do me a favor though if this is happy please dont write anything angry or depressing…smiles.
June 7, 2011 at 4:17 pm
It is really good to see you posting again. I think I mentioned that last week, yet this weeks post really makes me feel it again. I always love listening to the spoken version, this piece is raw and determined in voice, I enjoy your poetry Adam. ~ Rose
June 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm
I agree with Claudia here, this poem flows really well and I love the phrasing with plenty of short punchy words…nice one Adam! // Peter. @expatinCAT
June 7, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I love this. I was smiling as soon as that flow of words kicked in, not because it was happy-go-lucky, but because it just rolled in passion and purpose.
June 7, 2011 at 4:39 pm
“Time alone
Everything I wrote and own
Spells drip catching studio skylight—
Wings melt into a candle vigil and
A life that works” …when I was young, before I married i had thought this was the life I would have chosen…but I didn’t…then I became ill and even though early morning and late afternoon and evening are shared with my family…mostly I too spend my days meditating, photographing, writing and resting alone.
June 7, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Another inspiring write Adam. I love the rhythm of this and the complex rhymes.
June 7, 2011 at 5:06 pm
i am glad your life is working…
sincerely,
June 7, 2011 at 5:25 pm
brilliant work Adam! truly a flawless poem to me. loved the flow of each line… smooth
June 7, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Well, Adam…you’ve done it again…forced me to read, and reread every line ( a pleasure by the way) to to sort out all the images you packed into this excellent verse. “A life that works”…that’s a pretty good outcome…no? vb
June 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm
yes 🙂
Cheers, vb
June 7, 2011 at 6:27 pm
In the dirt and grime
Doesn’t sound like a good time
But you surely told how you feel
Keeping it quite real
Such a great read
Just hope that solitude doesn’t cause you to bleed
June 8, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Pat Hatt
Is where
It’s
@
June 7, 2011 at 6:40 pm
*Layers of an onion shed*
good choice of an image to tell
I love that out of all I love in anything you write Dustus
I am Ok Thank You!
😉
June 7, 2011 at 7:24 pm
“…Lacerations from a jaded saw..” I can feel em. Age sits on your head and you start to wonder what is really going on here, where is it really going–all the questions you do man up to here, that take the hard sweat and grit to answer, to find what makes it work. Fine and fluid and real, my friend.
June 8, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Just wanted to say thanks, hedge. You always take the time for detailed comments that mean a lot to me. You rock!
June 7, 2011 at 7:56 pm
You with hair that crow! Sounds like a nice life.
June 7, 2011 at 8:04 pm
The ‘reality’ of life in this poem just papulates….this rhyming scheme is very good.
Excellent, inventive and down to earth.
Lady Nyo
June 7, 2011 at 8:07 pm
This is what a writer chose
As muffled echos ocean close
I don’t know why but I liked that. Nice to get here in somewhat on time.I also enjoyed this powerful poem.
June 7, 2011 at 8:51 pm
hmmm – if my husband wrote, these would be his words, too…. the mid-life “thing” for him. I, too, think I am still twenty…. until I pass the mirror.
June 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Sheila, I read your comment last night. Have thought about it this afternoon too. I am definitely way past my twenties and beginning to realize just how old I am. Such is life. My best to your husband as well. Science needs to discover the Fountain of Youth—STAT! lol 🙂
June 7, 2011 at 8:54 pm
This is like the Alpha and Omega.
June 7, 2011 at 11:01 pm
Love the flow of this Adam…one feels the pulse of a life in the reading .
June 7, 2011 at 11:06 pm
Great write, I was drawn in from the beginning & didn’ t want it to end with all the clever lines!
June 7, 2011 at 11:32 pm
Second stanza is killer, must say, …no messing with that third line, fabulous. Sense of power within in this one; fine message, indeed ~
June 7, 2011 at 11:40 pm
The shedding of layers – skin and sweat…life and dirt….great sound and rhythm Adam…thank you..bkm
June 8, 2011 at 12:12 am
There is a fantastic rhythm to this and the sound works well. Opening up is hair-raising, but this is full of energy. I know what you mean about the ceilings.
June 8, 2011 at 1:27 am
What a great flowing poem. Sometimes poets can write elongated, over-descriptive lines but I prefer the shorter, to the point poems – like this!
June 8, 2011 at 2:30 am
Emotional tones and I can hear you reading this on open mic night!
June 8, 2011 at 4:35 am
Love the rhythm – I read it out aloud – so grounded – perfect 🙂
June 8, 2011 at 5:28 am
Loved the rhythm and kind of uplifted by it..
eye for an eye
June 8, 2011 at 6:47 am
Really enjoyed this piece. Nice flow. Absolutely love repetition and the subtler the better. I love the way it can be read. you go from burning to laceration to nightmare. Images of, what is seen in the finale Pain, Pain, pain
I look at this train of thought & see mult angles of view is that a general devolution is taking place in terms of types of pain, but the poem ends with a topic, a broad category, just pain. All encompassing damaging pain, or is the vague sentiment of the overused word pain indicating a healing. Quite possible seeing it is sweat and not blood covering the skin. One final detail, sweat is the bodies natural defense for purging.
Thanks, really enjoyed the piece:)
June 8, 2011 at 4:51 pm
This is an insightful read into my work, which also helps me better understand my creative process. Sincere thanks, Fred
June 8, 2011 at 7:33 am
Really enjoyed the flow, rhythm and your mastery of complex rhyme in this piece, some great lines & images here, and I loved the ending starting from ‘wings melt into a candle vigil and a life that works ..that touched something…
June 8, 2011 at 8:48 am
“this is what a writer chose”
ah, yes… this.
June 8, 2011 at 8:50 am
This is amazing. I read it in a sort of sing/song drone…and I get what you are saying here.
June 8, 2011 at 11:37 am
Words within rhymes within repetitions within echoes… So amazing to hear it read aloud – performance poetry at its best.
June 8, 2011 at 11:55 am
Adam, I so envy your ability to create a pleasing flow with rhyme and meter. It just seems effortless. And meaningful.
June 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm
This is a rich vivid poem – dig your style.
Thanks for the comments – much appreciated.
June 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I love the feel of this, the regret that is not regret but growth, the rhythm of a life lived.
June 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Had the feel of the road – fairly beat – those motels Nabokov described – so bare walled and achingly lonely, and yet from the blankness blooms imagination in your work as well. Excellent my dear. Gay
June 8, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Thank you. A great compliment. Made me smile. Hope you are well and in good spirits, Gay
June 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm
I bet a real writer wrote this:) Excellent. Ur voice is very original, and you threw it down raw-real as advertised. Superb once again.
http://henryclemmonspoet.blogspot.com/2011/06/foxglove-white-one-shot-wednesday.html
June 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Wonderful poem Adam, profound and reaching.
Anita.
P.s. I can open the page now. 😉
June 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Thanks Dustus, I’m loving the honesty in this write! This piece packs a punch and tells it like it is. AWESOME!
I’m also loving your support for everyone else and their work. This is a huge piece of an accomplished writer also. Thank you.
June 8, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Another great poem! Hard work pays off regardless of our struggles to get to where we want to go. And when bad stuff happens, we roll up our sleeves and work even harder. Well done!
June 8, 2011 at 8:26 pm
I loved your reading of the poem. Could feel the intensity behind the questioning. Does one’s life “work?” At certain points, I think we all ask ourselves that question. Some of us face it and some hide from it. Honest and raw poem.
June 8, 2011 at 9:22 pm
These walls are bare
As will, heartbeats
Jugular, nose
Breathe, repose
This is what a writer chose
As muffled echos ocean close…
…love the cadence and flow of this write…fluid piece of work.
June 9, 2011 at 4:46 am
I have been on my own since very young- quite unusual for my country and traditions here. I feel Solitude is my best fried. It has let me realize things those are often missed by others through their entire lifetime!
There are things that don’t match up with others often.. for how I am being fiercely independent.. but I love my life the way it is.. 🙂
Hugs xoxox
June 9, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Adam, love the rhythm of this and your words are so real and raw, like a vein freshly cut and left to ooze blood. From the title alone, it feels like the speaker is determined to come out of depression — by wanting to share a happy song, by convincing himself that his can be a life that works. And yet it ends with pain, something we all want to get past but likely remnants of which we take to the grave.
June 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Will I get out of this comment with my jugular intact, the ceiling as sane it was before, and my hair all fresh and clean from the rebirth of your razors of words??
Probably! Hopefully!
🙂
xoxo
June 10, 2011 at 9:09 pm
I really love this. I listened to the audio on loudspeaker and it was so much fun. 🙂
June 12, 2011 at 1:04 am
A wonderful sense of forward motion, optimistic in it’s honesty.
June 15, 2011 at 8:06 am
I really like this Adam. Some good lines in there;-
Lacerations from a jaded saw?
But my favorite bit is this;-
“These walls are bare
As will, heartbeats
Jugular, nose
Breathe, repose
This is what a writer chose
As muffled echos ocean close
Interstate drone
Time alone
Everything I wrote and own…”
I love the audio of this! I always think it’s a great touch to actually hear the poets voice reading the poem as he intended it to be read 🙂