Like An Angel
Grownups feared the wall’s cave
Specialists could save my life
Winding under river currents
Downtown breaks through tunnel light
Risk of rupture, whispers strange
Worried look on mother’s face
“And your is them”
Leaking sounds
Wanted a puppy
Balloon scan found
A ghost that year
Rushed surgery
Remove from stem
What makes brain bleed
Boy, being petrified
No stuffed animal to hold
Blocking ears they think can’t hear
Tape over eyes with wads of gauze
Doc spoke to me real easy
Dad claimed it routine
Afterward at FAO Swarz
Said he’d buy a toy for me
And so that past Christmas
Time I can’t forget
Six years old, held back tears
Right side of my groin blood let
Hearing hums
Revved drill bit
Pulsing, throbbing
Did I see this?
Constant ticks of lids and lips
Machine kept beeping, click-click-clicks
They stopped my heart
Chilling soul
100 degrees
Reduced to cold
As it happened
I had quit
Opened mind
Spirit split
Flat line
White light
Shocked to relive
Heard that “Clear!”
My self defibbed
Like an angel looking down
From above the gurney, gowned
Thought I watched myself die there
Could not tell what’s dream from real
*photo by me
Rockefeller Center (NYC)
________________
Care for a reading?
__________________________________________________________
One Shot Wednesday!
Post a poem & share feedback.
*This week is the final chance to be considered
for our OS Anthology—1st 6 months of OS!
@ One Stop Poetry
Dustus Blog 
December 21, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Being a father, this one kinda freaked me out. Heavy One Shot, Adam!
P.S. – “Said he’d BUY a toy for me”
December 21, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Thanks, Bubba. I corrected the typo 🙂
December 21, 2010 at 12:38 pm
another fantastic picture and another great read – enjoyed it a lot
did this really happen to you? thought you watch yourself die – this is quite tough…esp. the second part of your poem has a breath-taking flow..wow
typo – buy instead of by..?
Said he’d by a toy for me
December 21, 2010 at 12:47 pm
dang dustus thsi is a vicious write..scary too…esp having little ones myself…nice pacing as well…got my heart rate up…smiles.
December 21, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Strong words Adam, poignant post! this depth in your thoughts is so amazing my friend..:)
GREAT POEM!
December 21, 2010 at 12:54 pm
You’ve thoroughly captured the essence of childhood, the darker side thereof, where life is very simple and difficult to understand at the same time. No one can suffer so blindly as a child, which is why as adults we find it so disturbing–we’re made to share the powerlessness we all really have. A dark and deep piece, masterly.
December 21, 2010 at 1:01 pm
This poem resonates, thanks my friend.
December 21, 2010 at 1:03 pm
great poem – very ‘real’ and scary! ‘opened mind spirit split’ very good 🙂
December 21, 2010 at 1:25 pm
This was touching..ayoung one snuffed..gone. Great one shot Dustus
December 21, 2010 at 1:26 pm
This reminds me of when I had my tonsils out – except there was no dying involved. Chilling! Did you get your toy afterward?
December 21, 2010 at 1:38 pm
“And Your Is Them” – exactly as a child would hear aneurysm..this seemed so real and personal. “Blocking ears they think can’t hear” when every sense was so highly tuned. An image of a very personal Christmas. How generous of you Adam. I loved it. Gay
December 21, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Powerful, sobering poem. Thanks for sharing it.
December 21, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Nightmare my friend, sobering nightmare at that. Hearing yourself being “defibbed” these lines just bought tears.
December 21, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Chilling.
December 21, 2010 at 2:36 pm
Scary. Really scary.
December 21, 2010 at 2:58 pm
You took me on a voyage of emotions, into a deep sea of life. Wonderful poem! Dave
December 21, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Often we look at the holidays and see this “cheer” filled with tinsel and the holiday “spirit” but there are these events that can pass through our lives and set other impressions. One day in your sweet cheerful manner I see, your kind tweet in the mention of the holidays, and I got so sad… and with the economy among other memories. (I lost my grandmother 6 years to the day, today) …so reading this, and the emotion in it, and how views can be slightly altered of the season…I read and feel so much in it on a level, where…the last stanza so drawing of energy…that makes me want to say…YOU ARE HERE, and you are just as brilliant as an “angel” for some reason, some purpose…maybe an awareness in some form of strength of those pains…going on…so at this time in my life, I thank you for sharing this. ~April
December 21, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Oh April, I am so sorry you’ve been having such a rough time. You’re one of the kindest people I’ve met on the ‘Net. You’re always supporting everyone in blogland, as well as on twitter, and I sincerely hope the holidays turn happier. This is such a rough time of year to recall losing loved ones. I always think of my grandparents this time of year. hedgewitch’s poem got me thinking of them earlier. *sigh* Understand a bit. Feel better, my dear friend.
December 21, 2010 at 9:30 pm
🙂 Things have lightened a bit dear friend…from precious people/ FRIENDS like you! ….oh and lots of humor too never hurts. Here’s a chuckle:
My grandpa: “Catherine, you want a can of peas?”
My grandma “No the dog don’t have no f’n fleas!!!”
My grandpa “April, see that, she’s being mean to me again, please make her stop”
Hearing Aid NEEDED! LOL ~Funny moments!
One more: My daughter gets on phone with my older brother and says: “We’re going to trick Santa…give him crackers ‘cuz we have no cookies! They taste good with milk too ya know!”
~Laughter tears (we have cookies, not sure where she got that!! LOL) 😉 *sigh…some balance…
December 21, 2010 at 3:28 pm
My goodness, Adam – sounds like a terrible experience, for father and son alike. Very personal, moving story, capitalizing on the powerlessness, and fear, and unknown that greets a child facing this – powerful poem that really touches. Marvelously done, sir!
December 21, 2010 at 4:16 pm
such a raw, real, expression of being between this world and the next.
December 21, 2010 at 4:22 pm
You definitely know how to evoke feelings. Terrifying and confusing. To know a child has to go through something like that ever is just…
Awesome oneshot.
December 21, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until the end. Very powerful.
Y
December 21, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Obviously a deep personal experience Dustus with this intense writing…yes not all Christmases are joyous…and leave an impact on our life…hopefully this one did not leave you with Christmas nightmares…bkm
December 21, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Strong words and so beautifully written, Adam!
Loved it!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family!
Marinela x
December 21, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Indeed what makes brain bleed..nice One Shot
December 21, 2010 at 5:28 pm
I can’t say it any better than Hedgewitch. She has the words properly put together. I am still just ‘feeling’ this heart wrenching poem.
Strong and haunting stuff, my friend.
Lady Nyo
December 21, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Awesomely powerful poem. The narrative stands out so well, and the way you used painful memories as reminders that all is not well on xmas had a particularly fine flow. You write a good poem sir. Always a joy to swing through here and read your writing.
crb.
December 21, 2010 at 6:00 pm
moving descriptives, cant imagine myself experiencing it one day
December 21, 2010 at 6:22 pm
Very moving poem today. I hope all is well after all these years.
December 21, 2010 at 6:24 pm
quite surreal in places… I think the fact that you centre-align a free-verse piece adds to that feel for me… I see that less than you’d think (and it works not often)… does this piece favours. Solid piece here mate
Cheers
Luke
December 21, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Some very raw emotions in this one…the one’s right next to a father’s heart.
December 21, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Wow. That was heartwrenching.
December 21, 2010 at 8:31 pm
Evocative and provocative.
December 21, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Love the feeling of movement in this poem. I felt myself thinking “and then what happens” as I read. I was hooked. Well done!
December 21, 2010 at 9:41 pm
Strong writing on mortality – thank you for sharing
December 21, 2010 at 9:44 pm
Wow… the images in this poem capture/paint this amazing experience so perfectly… “100 degrees Reduced to cold” …”Wanted a puppy”…haunting stuff…not a word is unnecessary, or easily forgotten.
It was also nice to have the opportunity to hear it read 🙂
December 21, 2010 at 10:13 pm
You’ve made me cry, thank you for that and for sharing this.
December 21, 2010 at 10:15 pm
What a poem. I really hope this didn’t happen to you. That’s really a scary thought. Mine is here. http://razzamadazzle.wordpress.com/2010/12/21/greatness/
December 22, 2010 at 4:15 am
….that was a heavy piece…very well done….i just hope the sadness in this wasnt you…pete
December 22, 2010 at 4:21 am
Intense rush life-death stuff. Good work.
December 22, 2010 at 7:06 am
Very moving!
December 22, 2010 at 7:21 am
wow. i was exhausted after finishing this…powerful, powerful writing.
December 22, 2010 at 7:55 am
The rapid, staccato-like unfolding of what’s happening – had to stop to catch my breath. Good one, Adam!
December 22, 2010 at 9:00 am
Great as always…Dustus…
December 22, 2010 at 10:03 am
DEar Dustus
Thank you so much for your GREAT commet i my blog-
I said
‘I love it, really appreaciate it when people notice and realize I do not choose images at random…
And I do not mention my dear Hemingway for the sake of it…
Both stories so involved in this my simple poem…’
Thanks for understanding do well
You
Mr Writer
🙂
December 22, 2010 at 10:28 am
Appreciate that, Dulce 🙂
December 22, 2010 at 10:31 am
This is strong, deep, and chilling and a masterful write.
December 22, 2010 at 12:01 pm
It is a morbid and a chilling thought. Being up there looking down. Phew! An excellent one Adam!
December 22, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Wow. As someone who has experienced many surgeries, I can tell you that you nailed the emotions and confusion of that time so well. Hoping this is fiction and you’re brilliant rather than you had to experience this…
December 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm
The pacing is great, Adam! Like rushing down with my heart latched on the gurney–and the so vivid images create a world of fear yet snatched away and uplifted by an angel. I actully sighed a breath of praise and thanksgiving witht he last stanza. Wonderful as always, “great” does not quite say it all. Thanks!
December 22, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Powerful.. Intense… I loved it Dustus..
–Someone is Special–
December 22, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Heavy, indeed. Well-done on giving us the fragmentary nature of such traumatic experiences. Took me right there to your experience of it, going out of life and coming back in. I learned long ago to give up expectations about events like holidays and birthdays. I enjoy whatever comes, although glad, as a mother, to not have experienced almost losing a child like that. Glad you are here. I also listened. Thanks for providing the recording. Trying to remember to do the same on my blog.
December 22, 2010 at 6:33 pm
a stunning poem, Adam. so much detail and a full story…is there such a thing as microfiction poetry? 😉
December 22, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Wow, captured my attention from the very beginning. So beautifully written and moving. Thank you for contributing it to One Shot Wednesday.
December 22, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Lovely and wonderfully written! ♥
December 22, 2010 at 9:53 pm
I believe I am at a lost for words. This is an amazing piece…full of so many different emotions. You sucked me in with every word. Amazing!
The photo you used was perfect for this poem!
December 23, 2010 at 12:55 am
Scary stuff.
December 23, 2010 at 10:10 am
You painted a vivid picture, capturing a near death experience. Fascinating and well written.
December 23, 2010 at 1:31 pm
This one really spooked the wits outta me, Adam! The imagery is just toooo vivid! I felt like I was watching some movie… a real scary one at that!
The last stanza was a killer set of lines… too good!!!
Have a safe, peaceful and BEAUTIFUL Christmas, Adam.. 🙂
xox
December 23, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Gripping write…grabs the heartstrings for sure…felt.
December 23, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Wow this piece has real impact! Gripping read right the way through. I particularly like these two lines
Constant ticks of lids and lips
Machine kept beeping, click-click-clicks – these lines give not only a sense of sound but also of time passing – very effective use of alliteration, assonance and repetition.
December 23, 2010 at 9:27 pm
Filled with poignant lines but” wanted a puppy” says it all for me. And that is a beautiful picture.
December 24, 2010 at 7:59 am
Wow. This is such a powerful, visceral read. Terrifying and yet quite beautiful at the same time.
December 24, 2010 at 11:47 am
…………(¯`O´¯)
…………*./ | \ .*
…………..*♫*.
………, • ‘*♥* ‘ • ,
……. ‘*• ♫♫♫•*’
….. ‘ *, • ‘♫ ‘ • ,* ‘
….’ * • ♫*♥*♫• * ‘
… * , • Merry’ • , * ‘
…* ‘ •♫♫*♥*♫♫ • ‘ * ‘
‘ ‘ • . CHRISTMAS . • ‘ ‘ ‘
‘ ‘ • ♫♫♫*♥*♫♫♫• * ‘ ‘
…………..x♥x
Oh my
I hope this has no copyright
I m going all around the place
visiting my faves and giving this for this day…special as it may…
Merry Xmas
my dear Dustus
December 24, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Extremely thoughtful, Dulce! How cool! Thank you so much.
Merry Christmas to you and your family 🙂
December 24, 2010 at 2:41 pm
so very intense and beautiful. I felt a pun in defibbed, not that this is not very serious and poignant– as in purified of one’s lies. but then I’m having a dark xmas eve…. kisses, Adam– j
January 12, 2011 at 1:25 am
I love this. the way the tempo speeds and speeds, I can almost hear your fingers clacking the keys to get it out-out-out. the images are frightening, but that’s part of life. And poetry’s supposed to reflect and focus moments of time, fragments of emotion. I already said, the more I read, the more I like your work. Well, I mean it more now.