Call It A Night

Distant gunshots rifle that city night—three startling bullwhips thunder. Whirring sirens disturb bistro conversation. Children cover ears; believing sound firecrackers.

“Who cares,” he asked goateed, lip crumbs, disheveled.

“You’re not for anything.” Spectacled blonde knocks back espresso.

“What’s the use?” he asked mock-pleadingly.

“You feel nothing,” blue eyes spoke lamplit with moist sheen.

“Okay,” he snickers.

_______________
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54 Responses to “Call It A Night”

  1. nice 55,
    I can see the vividness of two characters.

  2. I read, more than once, that writers keep notebooks of paragraphs of impressions and thoughts they have. These flash 55 are kind of “sparks” that could get a story going aren’t they? This one ends so abruptly I can think of many directions a writer could take. Very impressed, Adam.

    • Thanks, Leslie. It’s funny you bring this up. I took some time over the past week and went through my writing notes, which piled up having been neglected for so long. There’s plenty of 55 material that will come from writing sketches and such (found lots of forgotten haiku too).

      Also, I’ve discovered that I have compiled many 4 line rhyming stanzas I like that never developed into longer poetry. As a result, I’ll begin posting what I call “4 Line Reflections” beginning on Monday.

      As what may be the fate of many writers, some of the best lines often remain in the notebooks.

      Cheers! 🙂

  3. betweenhearts75 Says:

    Incredible writing Adam, defintely has the onset emotions of an inviting story. Could nearly see these characters conversing the way you wrote this….which is a great talent you project! 🙂 Makes me wonder of the prior moments and the upcoming….great work! ~April

  4. Aww… thanks, April. Been enjoying your poetry!
    http://betweenhearts75.wordpress.com/
    cheers

  5. waystationone Says:

    there are some great textures in your desciptions dustus…’lamplit with moist sheen’…you really make the characters come to life in so few words…

  6. I see some really great characters in this that deserve some time of their own….maybe the start of something bigger?

    • Welcome back from vacation, Suzicate! I would like to write a novel kind of along these lines in character. Not sure I’ve developed an interesting enough plot for it yet.
      cheers, my friend!

  7. A well written story that I thought depicted priorities quite perfectly!
    The same night meant so many different things and had so many different meanings to so many different persons! I really liked the way you brought out human tendencies here.. made me reflect quite a bit!!!

  8. Hey Kavita! Your poetry has been stellar.
    I’ve always been drawn to and respect omniscient narratives. Your response makes me feel good about this 55. Thank you!

  9. I like these.
    You do them so well

  10. Adam, I have only been writing poems for a little while now and have so much to learn!! Coming here, leaves me speechless every time…it’s an honor to read such brilliant work from the masters of poetry (to me you are!!) I love how you bring out the characters in this. Could be interesting and wondering how the conversation would turn out further!! Keep writing my friend…it sooooo darn good ~ Amanda

    • *smiles* Amanda.
      Your comments are supportive and brighten up everyone’s day. Thank you so much for the vote of confidence. I’m a really bad self-critic sometimes, so comments like this one help a great deal.

      • Just to share…I have ordered your book “In and out of Line” today and am sooooo excited…can’t wait for it to arrive!! Your fan ~ Amanda x

  11. Adam..your created a short story within these few lines of your poem…very nicely done and I enjoyed your reading of the poem…thanks!

  12. You sure have got it going strong here. 🙂 Nice…all the way around. 🙂 Have a fun week. 🙂

  13. The tone of voice of the characters(especially the guy), speaks so loudly as you say the words. It’s so great that you give a reading here…it adds a whole new element to this excerpt. Great 55! the imagery is excellent!
    Heartspell

    • The readings are much more fun now that I have the work flow going so that it doesn’t take up too much time. On one attempted recording I did try to throw my voice to sound like the female character. It was worse than awful and deleted quickly. lol Thank heartspell

  14. ‘Nighthawks’ by Edward Hopper sprang to mind when I read this. An instant scenerio:) Good!

  15. Hmmm… I have to say that I like the impressionistic vibe to this piece. Very nice. 🙂

  16. Thanks, Tony. Glad you enjoyed it 🙂

  17. Wow! Totally cool.

    I hate having my latte and donuts hour disturbed by machine gun fire and such. real drag. 🙂

    xo

  18. Hey Jannie! I suppose the donuts aren’t as good when the atmosphere prompts indigestion. lol 🙂

  19. http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/07/pick-one-or-two-to-share-follow-rule-no.html

    sometimes I don’t notify people because I don’t want to annoy people,
    too many awards notices..
    please be easy,
    enjoy if you want some,
    otherwise,
    ignore.
    Happy Thursday!

  20. moondustwriter Says:

    Dustus on 55 – awesome!!!
    just missing Pete

    Sounds like what happens in our town – a little crazy here with the gang problem.
    We aren’t in Kansas or Oz

    Nice!!!!!

  21. hey now there is plenty of that going on here in kansas, i hear the helicopters
    more every night, it sounds so much like home, in california.

  22. These few words are something of an assault on the senses. I can see, hear, smell and taste components of it. Amazing.

  23. Appreciate that, Patty. Love the challenge of the 55.
    cheers

  24. They still have Bull Whips?
    This must be Dodge City!
    Excellent 55 Adam, thanks for playing today.
    Please have a Kick Ass Week-End…G

  25. lol… You too, G! Have a fantastic weekend, my friend!

  26. That was a great piece of writing:)

  27. Intriguing words and some great lines.

  28. Don’t think they are going to have a second date! Just a fun 55 today!

  29. I would be very surprised to see those two together. lol Thanks for commenting.

  30. ..that’s fantastic dustus – makes me feel i can SEE and almost smell the characters..

  31. Over exposure desensitizes. Great 55 expression of indifference.

  32. have a fun weekend,
    I jumped here from G-man’s 55 sections.
    😉

  33. It really interferes with digestion to have gunshots whizzing around while you eat. Great job.

    Mine is at:

    http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2010/07/motherhood-flash-55-friday-july-30-2010.html#links

  34. LOL and thank you for your comment 🙂

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