Call It A Night
Distant gunshots rifle that city night—three startling bullwhips thunder. Whirring sirens disturb bistro conversation. Children cover ears; believing sound firecrackers.
“Who cares,” he asked goateed, lip crumbs, disheveled.
“You’re not for anything.” Spectacled blonde knocks back espresso.
“What’s the use?” he asked mock-pleadingly.
“You feel nothing,” blue eyes spoke lamplit with moist sheen.
“Okay,” he snickers.
_______________
Care for a Reading?
Dustus Blog 
July 25, 2010 at 9:04 am
nice 55,
I can see the vividness of two characters.
July 25, 2010 at 9:47 am
Hey Jingle. I’ve been trying to juggle time unsuccessfully lately in both blogging and personal life. I hope to return for the next rally. I didn’t post up this last time because I felt it would be unfair of me to post and then not have time to comment on many other posts. Thanks
Happy Sunday!
July 26, 2010 at 10:38 am
no problem…
I am left behind commenting as well, especially on my blogger account, most of my time spent on poetry site…
welcome to Rally any time.
5 awards,
thanks for the previous participation…
Happy Monday!
July 25, 2010 at 9:34 am
fantastic.
July 25, 2010 at 9:57 am
Hi trisha! Enjoy the day!
July 25, 2010 at 9:48 am
I read, more than once, that writers keep notebooks of paragraphs of impressions and thoughts they have. These flash 55 are kind of “sparks” that could get a story going aren’t they? This one ends so abruptly I can think of many directions a writer could take. Very impressed, Adam.
July 25, 2010 at 9:56 am
Thanks, Leslie. It’s funny you bring this up. I took some time over the past week and went through my writing notes, which piled up having been neglected for so long. There’s plenty of 55 material that will come from writing sketches and such (found lots of forgotten haiku too).
Also, I’ve discovered that I have compiled many 4 line rhyming stanzas I like that never developed into longer poetry. As a result, I’ll begin posting what I call “4 Line Reflections” beginning on Monday.
As what may be the fate of many writers, some of the best lines often remain in the notebooks.
Cheers! 🙂
July 25, 2010 at 11:34 am
Incredible writing Adam, defintely has the onset emotions of an inviting story. Could nearly see these characters conversing the way you wrote this….which is a great talent you project! 🙂 Makes me wonder of the prior moments and the upcoming….great work! ~April
July 25, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Aww… thanks, April. Been enjoying your poetry!
http://betweenhearts75.wordpress.com/
cheers
July 25, 2010 at 12:04 pm
there are some great textures in your desciptions dustus…’lamplit with moist sheen’…you really make the characters come to life in so few words…
July 25, 2010 at 2:01 pm
55’s are forcing me not to waste words. Reading your 55’s over the past months has helped my writing.
http://www.waystationone.com/2010/07/160-dingo-ate-yo-baby.html
July 25, 2010 at 1:11 pm
I see some really great characters in this that deserve some time of their own….maybe the start of something bigger?
July 25, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Welcome back from vacation, Suzicate! I would like to write a novel kind of along these lines in character. Not sure I’ve developed an interesting enough plot for it yet.
cheers, my friend!
July 25, 2010 at 1:42 pm
A well written story that I thought depicted priorities quite perfectly!
The same night meant so many different things and had so many different meanings to so many different persons! I really liked the way you brought out human tendencies here.. made me reflect quite a bit!!!
July 25, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Hey Kavita! Your poetry has been stellar.
I’ve always been drawn to and respect omniscient narratives. Your response makes me feel good about this 55. Thank you!
July 25, 2010 at 5:15 pm
I like these.
You do them so well
July 26, 2010 at 10:40 am
It’s almost showtime for you, my friend. Can’t wait!
July 25, 2010 at 6:33 pm
Adam, I have only been writing poems for a little while now and have so much to learn!! Coming here, leaves me speechless every time…it’s an honor to read such brilliant work from the masters of poetry (to me you are!!) I love how you bring out the characters in this. Could be interesting and wondering how the conversation would turn out further!! Keep writing my friend…it sooooo darn good ~ Amanda
July 26, 2010 at 10:58 am
*smiles* Amanda.
Your comments are supportive and brighten up everyone’s day. Thank you so much for the vote of confidence. I’m a really bad self-critic sometimes, so comments like this one help a great deal.
July 28, 2010 at 1:21 am
Just to share…I have ordered your book “In and out of Line” today and am sooooo excited…can’t wait for it to arrive!! Your fan ~ Amanda x
July 25, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Adam..your created a short story within these few lines of your poem…very nicely done and I enjoyed your reading of the poem…thanks!
July 26, 2010 at 10:59 am
You continue to inspire many writers, Charles—myself included.
July 25, 2010 at 6:53 pm
You sure have got it going strong here. 🙂 Nice…all the way around. 🙂 Have a fun week. 🙂
July 26, 2010 at 11:02 am
Thanks, D. Here’s to a fun week! 🙂
July 25, 2010 at 8:46 pm
The tone of voice of the characters(especially the guy), speaks so loudly as you say the words. It’s so great that you give a reading here…it adds a whole new element to this excerpt. Great 55! the imagery is excellent!
Heartspell
July 26, 2010 at 11:08 am
The readings are much more fun now that I have the work flow going so that it doesn’t take up too much time. On one attempted recording I did try to throw my voice to sound like the female character. It was worse than awful and deleted quickly. lol Thank heartspell
July 26, 2010 at 12:02 am
‘Nighthawks’ by Edward Hopper sprang to mind when I read this. An instant scenerio:) Good!
July 26, 2010 at 11:11 am
Absolutely love that painting!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nighthawks
Thank you, Lynda
July 26, 2010 at 12:30 am
Hmmm… I have to say that I like the impressionistic vibe to this piece. Very nice. 🙂
July 26, 2010 at 11:13 am
Thanks, Tony. Glad you enjoyed it 🙂
July 26, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Wow! Totally cool.
I hate having my latte and donuts hour disturbed by machine gun fire and such. real drag. 🙂
xo
July 26, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Hey Jannie! I suppose the donuts aren’t as good when the atmosphere prompts indigestion. lol 🙂
July 29, 2010 at 3:30 pm
http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/07/pick-one-or-two-to-share-follow-rule-no.html
sometimes I don’t notify people because I don’t want to annoy people,
too many awards notices..
please be easy,
enjoy if you want some,
otherwise,
ignore.
Happy Thursday!
July 29, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Dustus on 55 – awesome!!!
just missing Pete
Sounds like what happens in our town – a little crazy here with the gang problem.
We aren’t in Kansas or Oz
Nice!!!!!
July 29, 2010 at 11:19 pm
I miss Pete’s humor. He definitely deserves a break.
thanks, Leslie
July 29, 2010 at 9:43 pm
hey now there is plenty of that going on here in kansas, i hear the helicopters
more every night, it sounds so much like home, in california.
July 29, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Hovering helicopters…. sigh
July 29, 2010 at 11:08 pm
These few words are something of an assault on the senses. I can see, hear, smell and taste components of it. Amazing.
July 29, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Appreciate that, Patty. Love the challenge of the 55.
cheers
July 30, 2010 at 12:15 am
They still have Bull Whips?
This must be Dodge City!
Excellent 55 Adam, thanks for playing today.
Please have a Kick Ass Week-End…G
July 30, 2010 at 12:24 am
lol… You too, G! Have a fantastic weekend, my friend!
July 30, 2010 at 1:25 am
That was a great piece of writing:)
July 30, 2010 at 10:13 am
Appreciate your feedback 🙂
July 30, 2010 at 2:44 am
Intriguing words and some great lines.
July 30, 2010 at 10:14 am
thanks, Anthony. Have a great weekend!
July 30, 2010 at 4:01 am
Don’t think they are going to have a second date! Just a fun 55 today!
July 30, 2010 at 10:16 am
I would be very surprised to see those two together. lol Thanks for commenting.
July 30, 2010 at 11:59 am
..that’s fantastic dustus – makes me feel i can SEE and almost smell the characters..
July 30, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Over exposure desensitizes. Great 55 expression of indifference.
July 31, 2010 at 9:02 am
Thanks. Over exposure certainly desensitizes, especially through cursory reports.
July 30, 2010 at 8:26 pm
have a fun weekend,
I jumped here from G-man’s 55 sections.
😉
July 31, 2010 at 9:02 am
You have a fun weekend too! 🙂
July 30, 2010 at 11:22 pm
It really interferes with digestion to have gunshots whizzing around while you eat. Great job.
Mine is at:
http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2010/07/motherhood-flash-55-friday-july-30-2010.html#links
July 31, 2010 at 9:04 am
LOL and thank you for your comment 🙂