Because She’ll Sing
Because she’ll sing when I come near
Our love song changing both our lives
Flesh shone in tone; alights night skies
Bare arms entwine absorbing tears
While reconciling faith sincere
Once Triton trumpets, giants fly
Because she’ll sing when I come near
Our love song changing both our lives
When music’s made beyond tide shared
Sound locking eyes, our present time
Seashell echo; two gulls swoon high
I’ll give far more than wading cares
Because she’ll sing when I come near
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Would you like to hear me read this Rondel?
*click here for explanations of the form
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One Shot Wednesday (Week 45)
@ One Stop Poetry
Host: this week the honor goes to
One of my favorite poets…
Gay Cannon
Dustus Blog 
May 10, 2011 at 7:38 am
awesome!
May 10, 2011 at 8:42 am
Appreciate that!
May 10, 2011 at 9:05 am
Wow, I got sucked into this one. Absolutely loved the half-internal rhyme in the third line (shone/tone and alights/night), would’ve loved to see that carry through the form. It has a slight villanelle-esque feel to it, with the rhymes being very similar and the repetition of two refrains. But for me, the real triumph is the soaring imagery and euphoric tone, captured by the metaphor “two gulls swoon high”. You may be swooning for your singer, but I’m swooning for this poem. Great job Adam.
May 10, 2011 at 10:18 am
Adam, I know you’ve probably tired of my comments, but once again I’ll have to gush…Your command of language, in it’s simplist forms, is amazing, but you have a style all your own when you begin to weave them into your work. I’ve little doubt I could pick your poem out of a thousand, and to me, that is the ultimate definition of true talent. Another wonderful and much enjoyed write ~Happy Oneshot Eve 🙂
May 10, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Hey this is great! So thats what a Rondel is! I must say it’s new to me, but a very effective way of writing poetry. I always learn something new here Adam 😀 Favorite lines (and so many beautiful ones in here) are
“Seashell echo; two gulls swoon high….
I can almost hear the seagulls in this descriptive line! I also like;-
“Flesh shone in tone; alights night skies….
which has such a poetic sound to it. Great as always Adam!
May 10, 2011 at 12:45 pm
This is beautifully done!
May 10, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Beautiful work, as always Adam!
Warmly
Marinela x
May 10, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Second read, I’ve realised it is a rondel. I do apologise, ignore my earlier comments regarding form! That established, it leaves nothing but the content. Which is, as I said first time around, swoonful!
May 10, 2011 at 1:35 pm
This is so well crafted! I love the ocean metaphors (she sounds like a siren) and the “ebb and flow” of emotions. The complexities of a lovers’ relationship expressed so vivdly. I also think you have one of the best reading voices – you should read for audio-book companies 🙂
May 10, 2011 at 1:47 pm
very nice adam…finely honed and lyrical….the seashell is a fab touch….wicked flow as only you blend the words…happy one shot dude!
May 10, 2011 at 1:56 pm
what a lovely rondel adam – this resonates with me…because she’ll sings when i come near – absolutely powerful refrain – love the poem and love listening to you reading it…just listen for the second time while writing the comment…
May 10, 2011 at 2:26 pm
A Beautiful piece of love writing…so perfect for springtime and new love…very nice writing Dustus…truly from the heart….bkm
May 10, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Lovely Rondel Adam, well chosen words and a hint of longing romanticism. Very well written
May 10, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Ah more internal rhyme changes since I first read it; far stronger now and more lyrical. You deserve all praise that can be heaped as this rondel shines! Lovely work. I love it. Gay
May 10, 2011 at 3:29 pm
First off, thank you for hosting and providing insightful form lessons these last few weeks. While I don’t always post, I practice after every session. Also, cheers to Claudia, bkm (barbara), and Sam (semaphore) for their excellent explanations and critique during the two-part rondel workshop—extremely helpful, as well as inspiring. I frequent the form archive often:
http://onestoppoetry.com/poetry-forms
Thank you for your expert council, Gay! 🙂
May 10, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Absolutely… this rondel leaves me singing a I leave… but i don’t want to leave but stay here reading this love piece once and again
Thank you Dustus
😉
May 10, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Really liked the poem, and I also read my poem entry for the One Shot Wednesday today. Your reading sounded good, even and flowed well.
May 10, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Lovely and lyrical!
Lady Nyo
May 10, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Great words with an excellent last line.
May 10, 2011 at 4:22 pm
“Bare arms entwine absorbing tears
While reconciling faith sincere”
love the picture this paints…always
such a careful selection of words.
good stuff adam!
May 10, 2011 at 4:49 pm
love that last line especially. your structure and word choice are always perfect. love is a many splendid thing!
May 10, 2011 at 5:04 pm
The refrain line is perfect for the poem, the repetition smooth and effortless. Rondel is one of my favorite forms to both read and write, and you’ve produced a shining example of it here.
May 10, 2011 at 5:07 pm
“because she’ll sing when i come near”…if you continue writing poetry such as this, which has a singing voice with an endless range, and a melody that blends with the rhythm of the ocean, i can see why she’s singing whenever you’re near…your words so carefully chosen, each one given deep thought, adds visual excitement to your poem…your sincerity shines…
May 10, 2011 at 5:08 pm
An accomplished and lyrical poem which perfectly illustrates the rondel form.
Well written my friend. James
May 10, 2011 at 5:39 pm
Lovely sentiment and imagery Adam. So well penned.
Anita.
May 10, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Ended leaving such a longing…perfect! I love Rondel, this is on the top of my high point lists. To single out one line would leave me feeling like a did not honor them all, in their sum is love. ~ Rose
By the way…thanks for taking a listen to my first spoken word piece today. I thought of you in particular when I decided to put it up today, as I always enjoy listening to your spoken word, and I hoped you would like it 😉
May 10, 2011 at 6:47 pm
THIS IS A SONG! I can hear it. “Flesh shone in tone” sold me on the whole piece. Excellent.
May 10, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Beautiful!
May 10, 2011 at 8:51 pm
Love the form, repeating lines, images, masterful metaphors. And the line, Because she’ll sing when I come near, is magic. You must have smiled big when that lines breathed its first. Greatness.
May 10, 2011 at 9:01 pm
The two gulls sing a song like no other, I miss that sound.
Thank you for a poem that sings, Adam!
xo
May 10, 2011 at 9:04 pm
A very lyrical verse expressing a beautiful love song.
May 10, 2011 at 9:53 pm
I particularly like the use of internal rhyme, and the lines
“Flesh shone in tone; alights night skies
Bare arms entwine absorbing tears”
Enchanting Adam, In love again perhaps? 😉
May 10, 2011 at 10:03 pm
Beautifully done, Adam…made all the more sincere from hearing it in your voice.
May 10, 2011 at 10:16 pm
This is beautiful Adam. What a heartfelt love poem. I fall all over the fresh love and hope within it. Blissful.
May 10, 2011 at 10:24 pm
The lyrical images makes this a love song that transcends time. Loved it.
May 10, 2011 at 11:08 pm
So well done. I love it.
May 10, 2011 at 11:11 pm
I listened to the track of you reading the poem, and I imagined a harp playing in the background. That’s my only comment that everyone else hasn’t already said. Terrific poem!
Needs more harp, though. 😀
May 11, 2011 at 5:37 am
You just reminded me of my favorite SNL skit of all time….
You know what this poem needs?
“More cowbell!” lol
Thanks Matt 🙂
May 10, 2011 at 11:32 pm
what a wonderful line..”Because she’ll sing when I come near” for a rondel… the intriguing line for me, however, is “I’ll give far more than wading cares” such a quiet strength in that line… beautiful write ~
May 11, 2011 at 12:16 am
I felt an ultimate poetic beauty in this poem, Adam… the romanticism is beautifully portrayed… and the repetitions totally enhance the awesomeness here!! I found myself humming this poem really… yea.. it actually felt like a song… lovely!!
May 11, 2011 at 12:46 am
Beautifully romantic. Pulled me in from the first line.
May 11, 2011 at 3:44 am
Very romantic an beautiful. It makes me think of sirens singing sweetly over the oceans at night. Lovely!
May 11, 2011 at 5:12 am
this reads like…sheer poetry! I love it. It made me tingle. The repetition, the rhyme and slant rhyme…everything.
May 11, 2011 at 5:32 am
Hmmm so lucky to have one sing when you go near..I for one am a sucker for music..songs. Cant resist a sweet song sung with intent even if the voice is slightly off key..tis the love and music combo I guess.
May 11, 2011 at 6:51 am
this… sings.
May 11, 2011 at 8:27 am
A melancholy love-song.
May 11, 2011 at 8:52 am
I write of love’s end, your rondel grips love tenderly in its fondest swoons…the repetition works well, and the composition altogether romantic. A delight, good sir.
May 11, 2011 at 9:37 am
Did you say sing or scream? (LOL!)
Nice One Shot, Adam. 🙂
May 11, 2011 at 10:16 am
Poetry is music, made to be read aloud. Many do not do this well. You do. Musically beautiful. Technically the form is not forced–very hard to do. Kudos.
May 11, 2011 at 10:45 am
“Because she’ll sing when I come near” seems so simple yet resonates. I suppose that’s the beauty of a Rondel – to create a striking refrain and focus your lyrics around it. You’ve inspired me to try it again, Adam.
May 11, 2011 at 10:54 am
Beautiful love song… the speaker must feel so deeply loved… as I love the ocean and singing, all the references really sang to me.
May 11, 2011 at 11:25 am
I love the musicality of a good Rondel… and this is a good one.
May 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Lovely, romantic, and thanks for the instruction re rondels. Beautiful poem!
May 11, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I enjoyed reading your poetry today, I am not really into form or rules and all that but I enjoy the rhythm and flow of this very much.
May 11, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Awesome rythm!!! It reads so beautifully
May 11, 2011 at 1:51 pm
romantical!
May 11, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Just beautiful!
I read as I listened to your reading, a really lovely combination.
Thank you so much for sharing 🙂
May 11, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I can hear that song, excellent poem.
May 11, 2011 at 4:49 pm
superb !!!! just wow !!
🙂
May 11, 2011 at 4:55 pm
It’s beautiful! I like its rhythm and its romantic touch.
May 11, 2011 at 5:13 pm
What a wonderful blend of subject matter and form. Also, I love that you read your poems aloud. The reader (or listener) can more easily identify and appreciate the different forms you use that way.
May 11, 2011 at 7:31 pm
Its wonderful to the ears and the eye. I am learning to understand different forms of poetry, so thanks for introducing Rondel form. Loved the first line’Because she will sing, when I come near’.
May 11, 2011 at 8:06 pm
I love the idea of my 21 year marriage being a love song…i just wonder if he would like me singing when he walks in the room (the kids can carry a tune thanks to their father, not their mother). I really do like a rondel and need to visit it again. The only part I don’t quite get is the absorbing tears. The poem echoes with strong love and commitment and a desire to be together… Why the tears? …because every relationship has them at some point?
May 12, 2011 at 8:33 am
out of extreme joy
May 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Beautiful Rondel with profound words.
May 11, 2011 at 9:45 pm
The repeating “Because she’ll sing when I come near” gives your poem such a melodic feel – magical.
May 11, 2011 at 11:47 pm
a bit of tenderness. Lovely
May 12, 2011 at 12:02 am
With the right person, life is a love song for eternity..
Loved it…
Here is my One Shot: beguiling time
May 12, 2011 at 1:21 am
repetition of the line-“Because she’ll sing when I come near” takes this poem to another level altogether…beautiful and tender:)
loved it!
May 12, 2011 at 5:31 am
I did a double take when I first started reading this Adam as it had the melodic quality of a beautifully written villanelle and then I relaised it was a rondel. It has such a tranquil feel to it, absolutely love this line.
Flesh shone in tone; alights night skies
May 12, 2011 at 5:40 am
This is lovely Adam and so very well written. How are you doing my friend? I am staying very busy, and am now getting ready to take my grandkids on a train ride to North Carolina wehere we will be visiting my sister on her farm for 2 weeks. You take care of yourself Adam, and keep up the excellent write that you do with your wonderful talent. Love and Hugs Viola
May 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Adam, I am no expert on form and usually just apply the ear/eye test. This passes both with flying colors. Vb
May 14, 2011 at 10:30 am
This is beautiful. I love the refrain.
I’m learning much the past few weeks visiting onestoppoetry, and enjoying reading all the poetry. Thank you.
May 14, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Gorgeous… I really like that you have the two options of reading and listening… you are a fine speaker…and it gives the poem that extra depth and personality.
May 15, 2011 at 9:24 pm
I’m so impressed that you can put such lovely emotion into a proscribed form and have such a natural flow to it. As I was reading, I was thinking that the poem was in a form, but I couldn’t t remember what it was called, let alone imagine ever doing it myself, and with such beautiful results.